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Pinocchio

I just watched the 2022 Disney live action remake of Pinocchio with Tom Hanks. Pinocchio has never been my favorite Disney film. However, one of my most cherished childhood memories is my father taking me to see it when I was eight years old in 1984. I remember it very clearly. We had this lovely old movie house, The Cameo, and on a grey snowy winter day my dad took me there to see the original Disney animated classic. In full disclosure, which may have been the only time I saw the film in its entirety. Again, it just never clicked with me that much. Plus, I grew up in an era when we did not own movies. You saw it once in the theater, and that was it. Yet, that remained and still is an important childhood core memory. For one thing, movies were also one thing that connected me and my dad. But I could also see how much my dad appreciated this movie. And that made me happy. Here I am, a fully grown adult in my 40’s, and watching Pinocchio again. This time, I am seeing it from the persp...
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One Year Anniversary of my Rock Bottom

 It was just about one year ago. The 30 th of August, 2021. It was the first day of our vacation. We had just landed at the airport and were waiting for the shuttle to the resort. As we waited in line, we heard our messages. The latest case we had presented to had passed on us and chose another couple to place her child with. Then, our consultant had given us the news that the mother had not actually passed on us, as she had never seen our presentation. Due to the number of hopeful parents presenting to this woman, it had been decided she would only see have of the presentations at a time. She made her choice in the first half and chose not to see the rest. We were crushed. Our consultant had then gone on to say that we should all discuss tempering our expectations. We had been presenting to cases for three months at that time. With each case, we had found it was a highly competitive process. Each young mother choosing to place her child for adoption was seeing 20,30, sometime...
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That Cosmic Connection

  As Baby A’s due date approached, I admit one of my biggest fears was over that father-son bond that often comes so natural for birth parents. Would Baby A see me as a dad? Would he be scared of me? Would I feel that bond with him? Would I feel that he was my son? Or would there be a barrier in my brain that would keep me saying he’s my “adopted child?” It’s just one of those things you worry about. I had never been a parent before, adopted or otherwise. It wasn’t unexpected that I had all sorts of anxious fears swirling in my head, mixed up with all the excitement as well. I had read so much about adoption in 2021. I read medical and psychology pieces about adoption and forming bonds. I read tips on how to build on that, like skin-on-skin time. I also read many firsthand accounts from adopted dads. I read accounts from dads who felt that bond right away. And I read accounts from dads who didn’t feel it right away and had to work at it. And there’s no judgement there. They are...
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Surprise! Meet Our Son! (Oh, Did We Not Mention?)

I was recently asked by my friend what was the hardest part of the adoption process. I had to give it some thought. There were many aspects that I would describe as “challenging” and maybe “frustrating”. I hate to say “hard” only because that seems so negative towards what was the most rewarding process of our lives. But the waiting. The competition with other couples. Making difficult decisions about what we were willing to take on as parents. The financials. Sure, all of that was stressful. Sometimes it downright sucked. But, again, all part of such a rewarding process. But getting back to my friend’s question, I’d have to say the hardest part was keeping everything a secret. While some are very vocal about their plans and the process and shout it from the top of a mountain top the second they know, others remain much more private. Mums The Word After discussion, my wife and I had chosen to keep things private. We told a few select people. We told my parents and very select fam...
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Infertility and Finding Your People

 Pretty much from the day you get married, you begin trying to conceive (TTC). The first few months are disappointing, but you know it takes a while sometimes. But a couple of months have suddenly become a year. “But, still, you’re only 29, you have plenty of time.” But soon the red lights and alarms are coming on. And before you know it, you’re in one doctors’ office after another. You are soon both being treated, ad individuals and as a couple. TTC Naturally becomes cycle upon cycle of In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). Daily painful injections. Intrusive tests. Battles with insurance providers. Getting up at 5 AM to drive an hour to the reproductive clinic for retrievals and transfers. Each cycle telling yourself “This is the one”, only for each cycle to either be unsuccessful for result in pregnancy loss. As the husband, you see your wife…your Queen…your best friend hurting. And you’re searching the universe for a way to ease her pain, while trying to acknowledge your own pain wit...
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Two Months In

Today, Baby Mac turns 2 months old. In many ways, I can’t believe it’s been two months since we were awaken early that Thursday morning with the “it’s happening-get to the hospital” call. I look back, and I recall everything that has happened in these two short months. And indeed, it has been a lot. A Period That Would Make or Break Me I really feel like these first two months have been a period that would either make me or break me. From birth, just like any other new parent, we were thrusted into parenthood. But then since this was an adoption, on top finding our footing as new parents we were also dealing with a legal case. And we needed to find a way to bring our family home to Massachusetts. And three weeks after coming home, I would be transitioning to being a working dad. Throw in the physical demands such as lack of solid sleep; trying to find time to eat and shower, etc. Little things so many of us have always taken for granted. This was a whole new ballgame, for all of us. ...
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Meet Bill

Meet Bill First and foremost, hello and welcome to my blog! Thank you for visiting and checking it out! As the name of the blog suggests, I am a man in his mid-40’s, just entering the world of fatherhood now. It has been a very long journey to this point. I have watched friends have kids many years ago, kids who are just now starting to have kids of their own. And here I am, just starting out. But we live in an era when people are starting their family building later in life. And while it has its challenges, it absolutely can be done! And that is the goal of this blog. To talk about my journey. I plan on talking some about the journey to this point, and the experience going forward. The good, the bad, they ugly (“blowout diapers” anyone?) All of it. What this blog will feature: Adventures of Being an Older New Father Family Infertility and IVF The Adoption Process Support ("Find Your People") Balancing Family and Career But first, who am I you may be asking if you’re just s...
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